How to Choose What Really Matters This Season

In my last post, I shared a quick reminder that holiday magic is often built on the back of women’s labor and that work frequently goes unseen and unappreciated. It was a reminder for my women clients to prioritize at least one or two things they want during the holidays, because the holidays are for them too.

So how do you choose what actually matters to you during the holidays or any time for that matter? When you’re a people pleaser or perfectionist, you’re usually focused on what matters to other people. You may even get some satisfaction from meeting their needs and wants. The problem is that your happiness and self-worth start to depend on how well you’re able to meet those needs. That’s a slippery slope. It can lead to a loss of identity, increased anxiety from the pressure to perform, exhaustion, burnout, and low self-worth when you inevitably can’t meet every expectation. And during the holidays? Multiply all of that by 100.

So when you decide to break free from those patterns, how do you figure out what you actually want? A good place to start is by identifying what you don’t want. Make a list of what you do NOT want your holidays to be about. And remember this isn’t about sacrificing your family’s happiness for your own. In fact, seeing you model what it looks like to prioritize what truly makes you happy is often far more beneficial for your family, especially your kids.

If you don’t want your holidays to be about nonstop gift shopping or spending hours cooking, you don’t have to make them about that. If you love baking holiday cookies or wandering through stores to soak in the decorations, then absolutely do that. Starting with what you don’t want helps eliminate many of the things that make the holidays feel heavy or overwhelming. I’m not saying you won’t have to do any of it, but consider skipping the things you truly dread whenever possible. Identifying them is the first step.

I also encourage my clients to choose one to three values words to guide what they want their holidays to be about. Do you want your holidays to center on connection and family, or relaxation and self-care? Adventure and joy? Creativity and gratitude? Tradition? Take some time to explore values words and notice which ones resonate with you. There’s no right or wrong answer. Imagine yourself entering 2026 and looking back on this holiday season. What would make you feel good about how you spent it?

Once you have those words, the next step is being intentional about creating them. Values don’t just appear on their own. You have to actively make space for them. And this doesn’t only apply to the holidays. Ask yourself what you want your next year to be about. What values are you going to intentionally bring into the new year?

If you need help sorting through any of this, I’m always happy to set up an appointment and support you in getting the most out of your holidays and the year ahead.